Pubcast 13: The Trafalgar Tavern, Greenwich, SE10

Alex and Dave continue their sojourn south of the river, and are now at The Trafalgar Tavern, part of (well, according to a claim made by Island Gardens on the Isle of Dogs) the best view across the Thames in the entire world.

Alex and Dave feel that this pubcast is not quite up to the incomparable quality of previous episodes, due to the immediate presence of a large plate of whitebait, a delicious presence that captured Dave’s attention far more than it ought to.

In between musings of the legalities of filming police boat chases (and whether the police would stop chasing criminals to arrest two whitebait-eating, camera toting young Gentlemen), and trying to work out if a man who does sterling work his entire life is a better man than a Prime Minister, Alex and Dave rate the pub with their usual mixture of penetrating insight, pernickety comments and mild confusion over what they agreed were baseline marks for each section of the manifesto.

As an afterword, the pubcast ends somewhat abruptly when the scores are toted up because the battery on the recording equipment died, and the Trafalgar Tavern has no working plug sockets in the public bars. None whatsoever. So, in your heads, please revise the fixtures and fittings mark down severely.

Pubcast 12: The Cutty Sark Tavern, Greenwich, S10

Pubcast would like to apologise for no pubcast last week. This was due, firstly, to Dave's lousy memory and secondly, to technical problems whereby a file conversion site found it hilarious, upon converting pubcast files, to double the length of each file, lowering and stretching Dave and Alex's voices to such an extent that it sounded like they had been replaced by two Barry White impersonators. Who take a long time to say anything.

Nevertheless, despite these difficulties, Pubcast is back, and Dave and Alex are continuing to prowl the pubs south of the river, and if that's not quite exciting enough, they've gone further east than they have ever been before. Well, with the intention of reviewing pubs. They've both been further east than Greenwich. Dave's even gone so far east as to end up in Istanbul. But he didn't like it there.

How far east have they gone? To Greenwich, to the Cutty Sark Tavern which, bizarrely, is not that close to the Cutty Sark. It can't even claim to be a member of the top ten list detailing pubs closest to the actual Cutty Sark. The Cutty Sark Tavern seems to have changed it's name to that simply because the Cutty Sark sailed past and someone saw it. In all fairness, the pub has thrown itself fully into the nautical theme and does look like the inside of a big wooden ship, but with one addition that disgusts Alex. On top of this, there is discussions about what constitutes a crisis and Alex and Dave unearth what may just be the first ever case of industrial sabotage.

Pubcast 11: The Angel, Rotherhithe, SE1

Alex and Dave head to the South of the River for the first time since their inaugural pubcast at the Anchor. Two things to mention about this pubcast before we begin – firstly, Dave, whilst heading up to London from Redhill, displayed mental powers not dissimilar to those of a folded deckchair, when, upon getting all the way to Croydon on the train, he realised he had forgotten the tapes, the microphone and the recording camera, meaning he had to turn around and go back home to pick them up, much to Alex’s irritation. Dave also forgot his notebook, which led to much consternation as the pubcasteers tried vainly to remember the ten point manifesto.

Secondly, barely a minute into this podcast, the landlady popped upstairs and stayed for a fifteen minute chat about buffets, Christmas in Wales and running pubs, that was, in part, enlightening, yet also baffling. Much of the chat has been cut, but descriptions of buffets remain, as does Alex and Dave’s confusion about the whole affair.

The Angel itself proved to be a rather nice pub, with some splendid décor (which Dave mentions perhaps once too often), and also boasts to have served some of the more unusual historical personages – i.e. not Dickens or Johnson, Bermondsey being perhaps a shade too far for their sodden physiques to reach.

The Angel also saw another gap in the Drinking Eras filled – the gaping chasm between the lengthy reigns of Johnson and Dickens. We promise that the full Drinking Era chart will be up soon, just as soon as I find the time to do so.

Pubcast 10.5: Old Bank of England, Fleet Street, EC4

For Itunes subscribers, there is a second Barney Bonus, coming form the Old Bank of England pub on Fleet Street. The same problems with the sound are abound, but in this pubcast, number 10.5, you can clearly see what happens when the pubcasteers (and Barney) go to review a pub knowing absolutely nothing about the pub. And try to review it after one too many pints.

However, this pub, despite being fairly disappointing, even given the ridiculous ornateness , the nice story about Sweeney Todd and that it sells thick, chocolatey stout, was the pub where the pubcast photo of Alex and Dave (top right of the blog) was taken. Does it earn itself special bonus points for this? No, no it does not.

Though, to be fair, the pubcasteers were somewhat (though understandably) disenchanted with the place from the off, due to the high ratio of People Who Looked Like Lawyers to Clearly Not Lawyers present in the bar.

Pubcast 10: The George, Strand, WC2

Pubcast again finds itself in the delectable company of Barney Glaze as they head the first of two Barney Bonuses at The George on Strand. First things first, apologies for the poor sound quality – this was recorded on our back up system, which a good man from Maplin's assured us would be more than up to the task of recording voices at an acceptable volume level.

So, what of The George? For a pretty standard pub that was approached more or less on a whim, it proves to be remarkably amenable (despite losing marks for not only having Dr. Johnston drink here, but also use it as his postal address), much to the surprise of Alex and Dave. Throughout the pubcast, at times Dave pays little attention due to a game of cricket being shown on the television, and then no one pays much attention due to the discovery of one of the best pub games ever – a ring toss. After much ring toss was played it can categorically be claimed that Alex was, by far and away, the worst.

Pubcast 9: Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese, Fleet Street, EC4

SPECIAL GUEST EXTRAVAGANZA!

Pubcast is joined by a special guest pubcaster, one Mr. Barnabus Glaze MA, who is a smashing gentleman. Mr. Glaze joins Alex and Dave in Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese, just off Fleet Street which, according to Alex, was just around the corner from Dr. Johnson’s house (a house which has now been replaced by a sturdy, effective but deeply unhistorical wall).

Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese is the third Samuel Smith’s pub to be rated, out of only nine, which begs the question ‘do Alex and Dave like Samuel Smith’s pubs, or are they just very, very poor?’ The answer is both. Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese is also a pubcast of pubcast firsts. There is, of course, a special guest. Furthermore, each and every pubcaster actually tries the food at the same time, a hitherto unheard of feat and one that means the rating given for food is concrete, and not merely in the realms of supposition and fantasy. Thirdly, in declaring this his favourite hostelry, Alex is likely the first person since 1950 who has said the word ‘hostelry’ and meant it. And finally, it is the first time Dave has ever been given a pager. He was rather excited.

For pubcast Itunes subscribers, there is the official v9.0 release, recorded using out high-tech sound recording equipment, and there is also a longer extended v9.1 edition, recorded using our secondary device which we hoped would be awesome, but sadly wasn’t.

Next week, the special guest extravaganzas continue, with a further two pubs rated with the effulgent aid of Mr. Barnabus Glaze MA.

Pubcast 8: The Punch Tavern, Fleet Street, EC4

Pubcast heads to The Punch Tavern on Fleet Street to review the first of a spate of Fleet Street drinking establishments. Before beginning their pubcast, there were teething technical problems (no recording tape), which, after a brief discussion, led to Alex galloping up and down Fleet Street looking for a camera retail store at speeds his body is no longer willing to maintain whilst Dave sat in the pub and read the paper, occasionally checking his watch and clucking with impatience at Alex's inability to instantly acquire a Mini DV tape.

So, what of the Punch Tavern? On their website (and, indeed, on the very walls of the establishment itself) they claim all sorts of awards, from 'Best Food Pub in London', to 'Best Tenanted/Leased Pub', and even were a finalist in Stella Artois' 'Love Your Local' competition. Listen in to find out how whether this confidence is misplaced. Do they score well in Alex and Dave's almost scientifically rigorous Orwellian Pub Scoring Guide? Is splattering this self-congratulatory gusto all over the place in direct violation of point 9 of the manifesto? Did the barman really take several minutes to pour two pints? Did Alex find a tape in time? (spoiler: yes he did).

Pubcast 7: The Tipperary, Fleet Street, EC4

In this pubcast, Alex takes Dave to the Tipperary, the first place to sell Guinness outside of Ireland, and thus the first ever Irish Pub outside of Ireland (where they, apparently, are just called pubs). Alex buys Dave a pint of the black stuff, and therefore denies Dave the opportunity to ask for a handled glass, much to Alex’s relief. Furthermore, some truly shocking information is revealed - this is yet another pub in which Dickens drank, which just adds to Alex and Dave's theory that he was a talentless drunken hack. Or at least enjoyed several ales in between penning novels with amusingly named characters.

CAMRA actually rave on about the interior of the pub, claiming it to be one of the finest historical interiors in London. However, Greene King gutted the place in the 1960s and refitted it to make it look all old, so that just goes to show that drinking copious amounts of ale and sporting facial hair akin to unkempt shrubbery means you know absolutely nothing about historical interiors.

That Dave and Alex were also fooled by the interior is neither here nor there.

Pubcast 6: The Queen’s Larder, Bloomsbury, WC1

Alex and Dave head for the diminutive Queen’s Larder pub and, uniquely thus far, actually sample the food before rating it. Well, Dave samples the food, and Alex suddenly becomes very jealous of Dave and all his lovely, lovely food.

Our Pubcasteers also discover a very friendly barman with a quite probably tall story about why he lacks handled glasses, sit outside on some rather fancy tables, and discuss the benefits of having a church immediately opposite the front door of the pub.

Pubcast 5: The French House, Dean Street, W1

Pubcast heads into deepest darkest Soho, to find the French House, on Dean Street. Prior to recording, this led to much standing around in the middle of the street, at equidistance from two buildings bedecked with the Tricolore, bickering softly about which of the two looks the most French.

On the pubcast itself, the Gentlemen find themselves, for the first time, ale-less. Alex instead goes for something which causes him to sweat with huge gusto (a side effect unwelcome on the hottest day of the year), a passing tramp interrupts and Alex and Dave, due to the presence of a microphone, feel pressured to give her money lest they come across as miserly, unloveable gits.

Pubcast 4: The Princess Louise, High Holburn, WC1

Pubcast heads to its second Samuel Smith's pub, The Princess Louise on High Holburn. Recently given the title of most ornate pub in London by the bearded gentlemen of CAMRA, listen in to see if Alex and Dave agree with the ornateness of the pub, and also discuss the relative merits of booths versus normal tables, and invent a nut-based pub game that is both enormous fun, but will also end your stay in the pub within five minutes. A game best played when the pub offers absolutely no amusements whatsoever.

Pubcast 3: The Fitzroy Tavern, Fitzrovia, W1

Pubcast ventures to the famous Fitzroy Tavern, on Charlotte Street, whereupon Alex procures a round costing under a fiver, then regales Dave with tales of biography-composing barmaids and bohemian London, and also explains why he thinks the Fitzroy Tavern is the pub mentioned in Orwell’s essay.

The manifesto is amended further, and Dave, meanwhile, is stunned at the sudden realisation of the existence of an underground bar, is impressed by a cheese counter, and thoroughly rubbishes Alex’s counting technique.

Pubcast 2: The Lamb and Flag, Covent Garden, WC2E

In this second pubcast, Dave shows Alex the somewhat cramped delights of the Lamb and Flag. The ten-point pub manifesto is revised (probably the first of many, many revisions), the merits of Victorian Bare-Knuckle boxing are discussed and a vague feeling of unease is experienced.

Listen in to find out if Alex and Dave can categorically state that the Lamb and Flag is a better pub than The Anchor.

Pubcast 1: The Anchor, Bankside SE1

In the inaugural Orwellian Pubcast, Dave and Alex sit in the Anchor on London's Southbank, setting the criteria for the Orwellian Pubcast scoring system and then ranking the pub on it. The 10 point, percentage rating is nominally based upon Orwell's essay, Moon Under the Water, but adapted to reflect both our beer intake in the hours prior to the pubcast and what we think Orwell would look for, were he around today. Obviously, this is a heady brew itself, so expect revision to be both copious and immediate...